2022 continued

May 4 – we get new our friend John Harreld is being put into hospice. Sad enough at the time, but even sadder in retrospect. It’s around this time he breaks down in front of me and says “I know I did this to myself, but I don’t want to die.” I can’t say I handled that well. I didn’t give him physical comfort, no hug. It was a big step for him to admit it though.

May 8 – He came over for dinner and we had leg of lamb. 

May 18 – Our friend Rick is in town and we drive up to Charlie & Jeff’s in  Sebastopol to pick up him up.  

May 20 – we go out for Japanese in Lafayette. He has sushi, I have ramen. I don’t remember what mom had. I think Rick was with us too. 

May 24ish – He flies to New York to visit his family. The ascites has his stomach pretty full. He later tells me he slept a lot on the trip. 

May 31 – Several months after taking his condo off the market the stagers finally want in to get their things. He’s in NY and I let the stagers in. They’re not sure what’s theirs. He and I text back and forth. I send pictures and ask yours or theirs? 

June 7 – he’s back home 

June 8 – he comes over to talk about some test results and his medical condition. I’ve witnessed some denial on his part. Now it’s really sinking in how serious this all is. I think this was the point where he had to decide between having radiation on the liver to treat the spots of cancer or to go for a transplant. If he got radiation he wouldn’t ever be eligible for transplant. 

June 9 – he gets all his documents notarized for his will, trust, etc. 

June 12 – we text each other while watching the Tony Awards 

June 13 – radiation has been canceled. He’s getting a TV for the bedroom as sitting up with the ascites is uncomfortable. He has a big wedge pillow. He has paracentesis again and says he feels fabulous after. They drained 6 liters, 1.58 gallons. 

June 14 – we set up his TV in the bedroom. It takes quite a while to set up all the streaming services and their passwords.

  

June 20 – he takes mom & I to Walnut Creek Club for my birthday.      

July 1 – We got out to dinner to Pho Benny. He orders Pho but has some trouble eating it because his hands are shaking so badly. It’s heartbreaking to watch. He doesn’t seem embarrassed at least. The shaking does dissipate a bit as he gets some food into him. I had seen his hands shake before but never this much. 

July 3-4 – He goes up to Kenwood to stay with John & Eric. He’s had some labs done and the doctor can’t get ahold of him. They call me and I rush around looking for him. His car isn’t home, he’s not in the house. I keep calling him. He’s not answering. I go to Kaiser to see if he’s driven himself over there and gotten admitted. His ascites had filled him. He won’t go to the hospital up there and waits until the next day to go here in Walnut Creek. 

July 5 – He goes to Kaiser and is admitted to hospital. He has a bacterial infection. One of the doctor’s suggests it’s from paracentesis. He stays a few days. We work on getting everything squared away with the Trust and his beneficiaries on his accounts. The drain his stomach again, but within a day it’s back. Which is really bad news. His liver is really in trouble. He’s been attending a series of Kaiser video classes as part of his work to qualify for a liver transplant. Also part of that is a video interview that he asks me to be at. He’s fairly honest with the doctor doing the interview, but glossing over some things a bit. He’s fighting for his life, so that’s understandable. I don’t correct him on anything. I chime in when the doctor asks me to. Which is only a couple times in an hour long interview. From this point I don’t have our conversation. Neither one of us backed up their phone after this. I did however somehow write down some dates when creating my list that started this all. He’s in and out of the hospital three more times. 

July 10 – He just came over to visit mom. 

July 12 – I made him some salt free rye bread 

July 13 – I got over to help him stop his paracentesis hole from leaking. He has all kinds of good bandages and we do come up with a solution that works.  

July 17 – He reports “Rough morning I was bleeding nose and a small amount from my ear Not a lot I sat back and the nose dried and just a small drop from the left ear” 

July 19 – He goes tot the ER in Walnut Creek and is admitted. He’s put into a very nice private room. The nicest one he is ever in. After a couple of days they transfer him to a regular room. During this visit they have a hard time getting blood from him. Both of his arms end up terribly bruised. I’m there when they have to call in a “vein whipserer”. Something I’d see a few times. 

July 24 – He’s released from the hospital I pick him up. 

August 1 – We go the movie theater here in Rossmoor to see a documentary in progress about his neighbor Stephanie. It’s called “My Dad Stephanie” and is being made by Stephanie’s daughter. She is on a Zoom after the showing to answer questions.  

August 7 or so – He’s back in the hospital. He has an infection. His scrotum is swelled up. A complication from the ascites.

 August 9 – we have a second zoom call with the Kaiser Doctor who is evaluating him for transplant.  

August 10 – Louise flies in for her already planned visit. I pick her up at the airport.  August 12 – he’s discharged 

August 14 – The four of us go to Jack’s for dinner sitting outside. It’s nice enough, but a kind of gloom hangs over the table.  

August 18 – Louise & I accompany him to have paracentesis. They drain 5 liters and can’t do more without risking his kidneys being impacted. I tell the Doctor doing the procedure what the doctor had said about the bacterial infection. She was extremely offended. She’s mad and even though I’m just relaying what the other doctor said she’s acting like I said it. She even pulls his records and sees in the notes that the doctor said it. She’s still offended. She rants and raves about never ever giving anyone an infection. I have access to his Kaiser account and that evening she sends a message saying she wouldn’t ever treat him again. Well I went off on her as diplomatically as I could muster. It hit home and she profusely apologized and said of course she would treat him in the future. She wouldn’t have to in the long run.