After getting back from Europe it was time to start cleaning out Howard’s condo and taking care of his estate. As hard as his death was, this process amplified everything. There were triggers everywhere. There were items we had together that he took in the divorce. There were surprises that had me in a puddle of tears. 

Going through his things and donating a lot of them, I found some surprises. First his clothes and shoes were way less than I expected. He was a big lover of shoes. But there are less than a dozen pairs. Did he prepare for his death or things taken from the apartment while I was gone? I know some of that latter happened and I didn’t care about the items. I did feel betrayed that I wasn’t informed. His clothes were whittled down too. There were lots of t-shirts still, many from the companies in the cannabis industry he worked in the last few years. 

Several of  his t-shirts I kept. I now remember a couple of years ago him cleaning out some t-shirts. I got a couple back then. A Yosemite one is a favorite. In fact, I kept way too many things. I couldn’t help myself. Many of the things were items he got in our split in 2018. Many I couldn’t identify which of us purchased, but they are things I was used to seeing for many years. I guess it’s a way to stay connected to him. 

I kept some kitchen things here and there. I have his Sodastream, which I think he inherited from Jacque when she moved to Mexico. 

Some finds I was not prepared for. Like his folder of cards I’d given him. It’s a good sized folder that I have yet to throughly explore. From a cursory look, it’s not every card ever, but at least a couple of dozen. He was a bit of a packrat when it came to paperwork. He had a bunch of folders from previous jobs. 

I found photos in a couple of different boxes. I sorted through them somewhat quickly over three or four sessions of an hour or so. I retained a very small selection as the bulk were photos of his family. He had lots of photos that were from that period of time when I took photos to be developed that a second set was free. I picked some good ones to send to the family. But then mostly ended up thrown out as I digitized them long ago. 

His phone and computer were definitely cleaned up for me. Something that hits me two ways. Grateful that he thought to do that and sad to know he had accepted the inevitable. His process wasn’t absolutely complete, but it helped a lot that I didn’t have to go through many things I didn’t necessarily want to see. Still there were a couple of revelations I wasn’t prepared for. Things I don’t feel comfortable sharing in this public of a way. But I will say he was confronting some of his issues and working on them. 

Up next: getting his condo ready for sale